Answers to the competency test at knockmeoff.com

This post is mostly for those who took the test at knockmeoff.com, but it wouldn't hurt if you read this anyway. Being less stupid is always good.

1. Do you know shit from Shinola? Shinola is a brand of shoe polish that was popular during World War II. It is recognizable by the word “Shinola” on its container. Shit generally does not come in a can and does not say “Shinola” on it.
   
2. How to pour piss out of a boot. Apparently in some parts of the country, it is customary to piss in one's boots. Therefore it is necessary to know how to remove the piss. Because of the assumed low IQ's of those who piss in their boots, instructions are put on the bottom of the boots, on the heel. The simple act of reading the instructions generally results in dumping the piss out of the boots. We give one point for answering yes and two points for not pissing in your boots in the first place.
   
3. Which is further west: Reno, NV or Los Angeles, CA? Although California is on the west coast, it's southern part curves toward the east. As a result, Reno, NV, which is located in the western part of Nevada, is actually further west than Los Angeles. Because this is an important test, if you weren't sure, you should have looked it up. To not do so indicates that you are not too bright.
   
4. Is that you? Generally when you look into a mirror, you see yourself. If you hold the mirror at an angle, you might end up seeing someone else who is standing beside or behind you. If you don't know enough to look straight into a mirror, you are stupid and get no points.
   
5. Did you look in a mirror to answer the previous question? If you are taking a test that could be a matter of life and death, you need to be careful. If you didn't look into a mirror to make sure it was you that appeared, you got no points.
   
6. Are you a Republican, Democrat, Independent, Liberal, Conservative, or Moderate? Notice that the question doesn't ask if you are a member of some party or if generally your views fall into a particular category. It asks if you are one of those. If you are one of those, that means that you make a decision on an issue before hearing what the issue is or considering the merits of the issue. If you make up your mind on all issues based on whether they are approved by one of those classifications, you are stupid and get no points.
   
7. Are you making this decision of your own free will? Once again, if you let someone else make important decisions for you, without your own analysis, you are stupid and get no points. If someone else told you how to answer, but you thought about it and agreed, you should take responsibility for the choices and answer Yes. A No answer gets no points regardless.
   

If you can't get at least 60% of these questions right, you should not be making important life decisions.